Snow Day Surprise

 

 

One magnificent afternoon, while I was enjoying life to the fullest, I

heard the phone ring. It interrupted my online research on techniques

for swimming and what to eat. I strode over there like I had all the

time in the world. I saw the Caller ID. It was my school, University

of Wisconsin-Green Bay. I wondered, “What do they want from

me? I did nothing wrong.” The first thing I heard from the recorded

message was: “There will be no school tomorrow, December 14.” I

was so happy! I hung up before the message continued, and I looked

out the window. Snow was coming down in barrels. Everything was

shimmering and glowing. I took a deep breath and thought about life,

about how it was a tough journey. But here, it was worth it. The view

was beautiful, and seeing the snow falling down, I felt like the world

was revealed, as through a fogged-up telescope lens. In other words,

I could see all the way to Lambeau Field. It felt like the world froze

except for the snow. I took a deep breath, and thought: All can be right

with the world.

Snapping out of my trance, I heard the phone ringing again. It was my

Uncle Steve. Steve was a tall, slender man who was light on his feet,

with a husky voice.

“Joseph?”

“Yes?”

“I just got the phone call from school. Can you watch over Jack and

Anna? I have work tomorrow. It is very important. Thank you.” And

then he hung up without my saying a single thing. Uncle Steve had

custody of his kids, ever since his wife Marge, an alcoholic, divorced

him. Jack was 5 and Anna was 6, so they needed supervision.

I decided to go and babysit tomorrow – I didn’t have much of a

choice, anyway, since Uncle Steve had hung up on me. But I didn’t

mind. So I left a reminder on the table saying, “Babysit Jack and

Anna and ask about Uncle Steve’s job.” But then, I asked myself, why

was I so into their business? Why did I need this information? Why did

I ask so many questions? Why was he so shady about what he did

and what was so terrible about it that his wife would leave him? But I

guess that since she was an alcoholic, once they were in his custody,

it was over. I decided to ask when the time was right. Maybe the kids

knew a little bit about it.

The next day, I rode to my uncle’s house on my newly-waxed

Kawasaki dirtbike, so it took no time to arrive because my dirt bike

was wind resistant; it took about 10 minutes. I arrived at 6:50, before

the kids woke up. Uncle Steve and I enjoyed some coffee while we

waited for Jack and Anna to arise.

“So how’s work going?” I asked, trying to make a conversation.

“It is going fine,” he said, picking at his nails.

“How are you and your kids doing?”

“We are living just fine, thank you for asking,” he said loudly,

slamming his hands on the table, and getting up to wash out his mug.

Why was he being so rude? I had done nothing wrong.

Jack and Anna walked in at the same time. They were both trudging

through the door, walking like zombies. Jack had his hair all around

his head like a crown, and as for Anna, half of her hair was standing

up, like she got shocked by some powerful static electricity. Even

though they looked like they were zombies, not caring about their

appearance, they were still very adorable. I was overjoyed to see

them. I was like their second parent, because on weekends I helped

them out with anything.

As soon as my Uncle Steve left, I got down to the point. “Jack and

Anna, can you tell my what your dad’s job is?” They exchanged

glances and Jack said, “ What’s in it for us?” I thought about it.

They were trying to swindle me. I had to play their swindling game

strategically. “What do you want?” I asked, calmly and soothingly.

They saw that I was going to give them something small, so they

retreated instantly. Anna spoke for both of them, “Two lollipops

please?” She made the most adorable face so that I couldn’t resist.

I went outside, reached into my dirt bike cup holder  and found their

two favorite flavors, cherry and watermelon. When I got back, they

viciously attacked me for them, and we all laughed for a minute or

two.

 

 

Their tiny punches tickled against my powerful swimmer’s legs. I

finally gave in and gave them their lollipops and sat them down.

The suspense in the air was palpable. Jack finally said, “Ouw

daddy kills people for money. He wowks when we are at schoow. He

gets about $1,000,000 evewy death. We can show you whewe he

works, but we want someting in weturn…” I picked up what they were

putting down. Turns out, I had taught them well to bargain. I sprinted

to my dirt bike and grabbed more lollipops so that I could pay them,

because I was anxious to see their father’s lair. I brought the lollipops

to them like my life depended on it. They whipped the lollipops out of

the wrappings and while sucking on them, they said, “Fowwow us.

You need to owpen something fow us.” They scurried through the

long hallways anxious to show me. They whispered to each other,

which made me wonder what they were talking about, because

maybe they were plotting to trick me. But that wouldn’t happen

because their brains weren’t that manipulative and developed yet to try

and outsmart me.

They still whispered. When we arrived at the library, they

stopped. Anna pointed up to a high shelf, and said, “Just take owt the

book dat titwes, ‘Peanut Buttew Jewewy Sandwich’.” I did what they

said and when it was taken out halfway, a slide appeared with a

finger scan. Jack scanned his finger and the scanner said, “Jack

Wagerston, access granted.” When Anna scanned it, it said the same

but with Anna’s name. Jack said, “Don’t wowwy, he has yow

fingewpwint as weww.” I was surprised that he had me on file at his

library. Maybe he foretold the day? I scanned my finger and it

announced, “Joseph Dragonian.”

Gears shifted and whirred, and when the passageway

appeared, it made the sound of the Legend of Zelda chest opening.

We all slid down a giant, dark slide. As it spiraled downward, through

the library’s basement, which was crammed with books, through the

dark chute’s glass sides I saw boxes and crates labeled, “DO NOT

OPEN”, and then we arrived in a sprawling heap in a lair that had a

large wall of weapons. The melee weapons, battle axes, flails and

katanas, were spattered with blood, and I shuddered.

The room was a mess – it had files scattered everywhere, like no

one had time to clean it all up. There were files scattered all over the

floor, like popcorn scattered in a theater after the movie has finished.

The desk wasn’t much better. There were planners, mug shots, and

a MicroApple computer. All the faces were stamped with the words,

“PROTECTED”. We went around a glass partition and came to the

control room jammed with computers. The room was a mess too,

and had a faint whiff of Uncle Steve’s musk, saltwater and Off!. The

twelve computers seemed to be monitoring every part of the US and

Canada. No wonder he had so much money… was his toilet paper

in $1 bills? I saw the whole map of North America, and the post of

the most recent job taking place: something about Gill Bates in

Minnesota. Then the red dot faded. The system announced in a burly

voice, “MISSION COMPLETE”. What was Uncle Steve doing there? What was his evil mission? Did it involve cops? Assassins like him? I didn’t know. I knew he was on his way back, though, and

that meant trouble. If he caught us in here, what would he do? Would

he physically or verbally assault me? I was worried, so I screamed,

“JACK!! ANNA!!! WE’RE LEAVING!!” There was complete silence.

They were hiding from me – did they think this was a joke?

Uncle Steve could be here in any second and they were hiding!? I

knew a way for luring them out. “Looks like I have to eat all of my

lollipops. ALONE!” They came scurrying from the two furthest corners

wanting lollipops. They were yelling, “GIVE ME LOWWIPOPS!!!!”

They were very disappointed to see that I had no lollipops.

I could see his jet’s sensor on the map. He was coming at a very fast pace.

I was worried, but really upset

me more was the bad influence on Jack and Anna. They could think

of murdering someone as a good thing, but when they faced the

consequences, it would be tragic and traumatizing for the both of us.

So I decided to talk with him and his son and daughter to try and get

him out of his job, and find a more suitable one for him.

As I looked around, I saw many files, and thought, What would they

do without a parent? I couldn’t have taken care of them because I

wasn’t of age. They would’ve have to go to an orphanage, because

their relatives were all the way in Poland, half a world away. They

were giggling and looking like they were having fun, swinging

from the lights, bouncing on a weirdly-placed bouncy castle and

having a good time in total, even though this was a treacherous place

of work. I had to do something, but the kid side of me wanted to play

with them.

“Jowseph! Come pway wit us!”

“Come on! Stowp being a pasty poopah!”

“Eh, why not? It will help get my mind off of things,” I said. I bounced

gleefully while the clock, telling the time, reminded me of my doom.

 

But while I was bouncing, I thought about my plan of talking to him. I

decided on the family meeting about it. Then I thought about the jobs

he could do – maybe being a chef would suit him because he is

good with weapons? Maybe he could go to a less violent side of the

CIA, like the weapon creation agency, because he knows exactly

what they need for assassinations, especially quick assassinations?

I just hoped that we would find a job that would be beneficial to both

the kids and him. I started pondering. Boy, it is difficult to

think when two kids yell in your ears from excitement. So I stepped

out into the hall to reflect on how I should approach him. Maybe we

could give him a warm welcome into his lair, and then ease him into

the alternate ideas.

In the back of my head, though, a voice was chanting quietly, “Be

straightforward and get it done and over with. It will be like taking a

bandage off.” I thought for a while, while the kids were going berserk

on the bouncy castle. Maybe as a back-up plan, I would give him a

sleeping drug, so he wouldn’t remember what had happened.

But as a back-up, back-up plan, I decided to escape and fetch

the 3D Maneuver Gear from Attack on Titan, in my garage. Why do

I keep weird stuff in my house? Just in case something happens! I

would use the 3D Maneuver Gear so I could escape from anything he

threw at me. But we had to make three quick stops:

 

1: Stop at CVS to buy the backup plan.

2: Stop at my house to get my 3D Maneuver Gear.

3: Stop at Five Guys for some food.

 

“Jack! Anna! Come on! We are going for a quick ride!”

They ran to me like I was giving them ice cream. All three of us

hopped on the Kawasaki, Jack in front of me and Anna behind me,

their eyes flaring with excitement, using the little helmets I always

kept for them in the tank bag. When we rode to CVS, they begged for

lollipops, so I picked up more suckers in addition to the ZzzQuil.

Then we went to my house and I grabbed my 3D Maneuver Gear. I

decided that since my motorcycle was almost out of gas, that I’d

travel with the Maneuver Gear while the children clung on for dear

life. Flying with the Maneuver Gear was so fun. You just felt like you

were a rebel, not obeying speed limits because you weren’t in a car,

avoiding traffic, and also it was somewhat easier to handle than a

car. When we flew down to Five Guys, people stared at us. I ordered

the Everything Burger and the kids ordered the French fries. We

zoomed back to Uncle Steve’s house, swinging tree-to-tree, house-to-

house, our hair blowing wildly in the air. When we arrived, we were

very hungry. We had a very quiet lunch, except for the munching

echo through the long and winding hallways. We enjoyed the meal in

the quiet kitchen.

 

When we were finished with our meals, we got

down to business. “Jack, Anna, I want to talk to you about something.

Something very important about your father.”

“What’s wong? Is evewyting alwight?” Jack said.

“Did someting happen?” Anna said.

“We have to talk about your dad’s job. It might be beneficial for him to

change his job, so it isn’t a bad influence for you.”

“What did you say?” Jack said bluntly.

“Are you talking back to me young man?” I replied.

“No, we just didn’t undewstand what you said.” Anna said.

“Whoops. So we need to find a good job for your dad.” I said.

“Why?” Jack pondered.

“Because it might not be the best for you children to be under his

influence.”

“’Wat.” Anna said directly.

“He needs a new job so it doesn’t affect you in a bad way.”

“ Ooooooooohhhhhhh.” Jack and Anna said. It was like they had one

soul in two bodies because they had a spot-on duplicate of reactions.

We started jotting down ideas for jobs Uncle Steve could get. They

agreed with my idea of Uncle Steve being a professional cook, or

chef, and they also nodded when I mentioned the safer jobs available

at the CIA, and both were visibly excited at the idea of their father

becoming a doctor.

“How about this? He could become a cook because he is very good

with his hand coordination and doing something active,” I said.

“A safew pawt of de CIA because he will still be dere, just not

murwdewing anyone,” Jack added.

“And doctow because he knows all de vitaw owgans and what they

do,” Anna concluded.

But why was Uncle Steve doing this? Did he have pent up rage

against an individual, so that he took this out on other people? He

had to have some reason, other than for money. We

had to think quickly because he could be entering through that door

at any second and he would be concerned at what we are doing. The

three of us decided to convince Uncle Steve to join the CIA, because

it would be less violent. We waited and waited and decided to go

downstairs and play hide and seek.

 

“I’m coming for you. I’m seeking and seeking. What’s this

I hear? I hear a small giggle coming from under the desk,” I said

horrifyingly and quietly. I dove under the desk, as silently as I could

and and scared them. They screamed liked I was a monster with a

horrifying face. We all started a big group hug and started laughing

our socks off. Then, very slowly and quietly, a pressure plate seemed

to break under us, and we dropped into a locked jail cell. In the nick

of time, the door creaked open and we heard Uncle Steve call our

names.

 

“Jack? Anna? Joseph? Where are you?” We yelled as loud

as we could, but he couldn’t hear us because there was a one way

soundproof wall in-between him and us, so then we started banging

on the walls. Suddenly an alarm started ringing. “INTRUDER ALERT

INTRUDER ALERT!” We heard the gears change and shift, and the

sound of Uncle Steve sliding down the slide as quickly he could. We

heard the vigorous flapping of his velvet jacket. He took down one

of the weapons from the wall, and I distinctly heard the tossing of

the gun ammunition, and the flicking of a secret lever. How many

secrets are hidden in this family household? As the siren kept wailing,

I thought I heard Uncle Steve running toward the cell, his jacket

still vigorously flapping, and when he saw us, he was enraged and

confused at the sight.

 

“DID YOU EVER THINK THAT I COULD HAVE BLOWN YOUR

BRAINS OUT?! You were very irresponsible for exploring this part of

my house, Joseph.” He instructed his children to play on the Bouncy

Castle.

“You were really pushing it when you wandered into my lair

without my permission! But at least you didn’t let Jack and Anna get

hurt. Thank you. But I’m afraid you know too much. There are two

things you can do. You can keep silent or no one will see you again.

You will be POOF! Gone. No one will see you ever again. Not Jack

nor Anna nor your family.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“No, it is a command.”

 

So plan A failed. Plan B had to go into

effect.

“You must be tired from your journey, let’s have some coffee

and talk.”

“I don’t have time.”

“Please. I want to talk to you,” I begged.

“Fine, but quickly.”

“You stay here and I will prepare it.”

“OK.”

I walked upstairs. I pulled out the sleeping pills, plopped

them into the cup, heated up the coffee, and poured it, and made

sure that my coffee was the one without the dissolved pills. I decided

to go downstairs and talk to him, to see if I could converse with him

BEFORE he drank the sleeping coffee. I walked downstairs calmly. I

heard him yelling, “Why did you tell him?!?! This can endanger our

whole project! You are grounded for two months! I reduced it

because you are so young and so cute that I can’t imprison you for

that long. But I’ll have to talk to Joseph about that. He’ll learn a

lesson that he’ll never forget.” I was afraid about that but if he started

an attack on me, I was prepared, because I had somewhat-full 3D

Maneuver Gear, enabling me to escape his wrath. But what if he had

something that could disable by Maneuver Gear, and what would it

be? A magnet? But, I thought, the only things magnetic on my gear

are my swords and my hooks, and I could use my gas as propulsion

and hook on to something, before he unleashed his magnet, to

escape. But still, that scared me a lot. So while I walked downstairs,

I mapped out what I was going to do. I decided that I was not going

to fight, but would avoid the issue, and try to talk him down if he got

enraged, but then I thought he might have foggy judgment about

what is right and wrong. I resolved to try and clear his mind. So I

waltzed towards the three of them and then said calmly and bluntly:

“Uncle Steve, your coffee is ready,” I said. “It’s upstairs, and I thought

we’d sit at the kitchen table, and talk.”

“Joseph, so what are you going to do now that you found out about

my secret?”

“Tell nobody.”

“Why are you lying to me?!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are!”

“Let’s drink our coffee and calm down.”

“Let me get my belt.”

“Ok.”

So he snatched his belt, which had metallic cylinders and cubes with

buttons.We walked back to the kitchen, the kids trailing behind us

as we went up the spiral staircase. We walked to the granite table,

where our coffee sat, and I remembered that my coffee cup was the

one with the Christmas 2005 printed on it, with the Santa hat… and I

handed him the 2010 New Year’s cup, which had the ZzzQuil in it.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you.”

“Let’s drink.”

“ Okay, so how are you planning to process this information? Are you

going to tell anyone?”

He took a slow and long sip of his coffee. Immediately, the drug

started taking effect. He yawned, even though he had only taken one

sip. He yawned again, very loudly.

“Sorry.”

“No problem.”

I turned around and snickered quietly towards the living room.

“I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“STOP *yawn* LYING *yawn* TO ME! TELL ME THE TRUTH!”

“I’m… Not… LYING!!”

“Go outside right *yawn* NOW!”

“Fine.”

He pulled a small square from his belt. He pushed the button and it

unfolded into a small pistol. I started to sweat a bit. I felt around for

my Maneuver Gear and I was reassured. I calmly walked outside,

listening to the clanging of my Gear, but I was still scared for my

life. What if he had deadly accuracy, I thought. What if he predicted

my moves? But I can’t be guessed at so easily, and in addition, I

can evade many obstacles quickly. I just saw him trudging behind,

yawning, and his eyes slowly closing and then opening. He couldn’t

have great accuracy because he could barely see.

When we got to the snow-covered street, we stood 10 feet apart.

“Stop lying Joseph. Tell me the tru*yawn*th!”

He aimed his gun up at the sky and fired it into the air as a warning

shot, but all I heard was an empty click.

“Oh well, I’ll try #2.” He yanked off another pistol from his belt, this

one slightly bigger, about the size of a bird’s head.

“Tell ME the TRUTH!” He tried to fire again, but again, there was an

empty click.

“ARGH!” He threw that gun into a snow-covered bush. He pulled out

yet another gun, this one about the size of a hand, and very angrily,

yet sleepily, said, “TELL… ME… THE…*yawn* TRUTH!!” It fired just

an empty click. “WHY ARE NONE OF MY GUNS FILLED WITH

AMMO!?” He chucked it at a window, shattering it into over 9,000

pieces. I started snickering. He jerked his head towards me.

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING! THIS ISN’T FUNNY! I AM *YAWN*

A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH! YOU SHALL FEEL MY

WRATH!”

I slipped on my sunglasses, which meant things were about to get

real. He grabbed a cylinder off of his belt. It was a smoke grenade. I

saw a shadow in the smoke, trotting towards me at full speed. I knew

that I had to escape. I couldn’t have predicted his movements, so I

shot my hooks to the left.

Then it hit me: The one person who could talk at least some sense

into him was his ex-wife Marge… but she might take a while, as

she lived 13 miles away, so I had to stall and call. I popped in my

Bluetooth earpiece, and dialed her number, and she answered

quickly.

“What do YOU want?”

“Can you please help me?”

“Like I said, what do you want?”

“Your ex-husband is trying to kill me.”

“What!?”

“He’s trying to kill me, what else can I say? Can you try and talk

some sense into him?”

“I’ll try – I’m coming as fast I can! I’ll be right there!”

Uncle Steve and I looked dead in each other’s eyes. He probably was

thinking that he would come out victorious and incapacitate me, but I

knew that I had to stall him so he wouldn’t see her coming. I decided

that I was just going to glide around willy-nilly until she came to my

rescue. That was my only fully-baked idea, so I had to go with that.

“Come and get me,” I taunted with a smirk, but my body was slightly shaking and goosebumps ran up my arm. I saw that that got him

enraged, so I glided to the other side of the street before he could

think. He yanked off a giant cube, and I pondered, “What now?” The

cube unwound into a pistol with a silencer. The rubber bullet

flew right next to where my hook was, so I zoomed diagonally to

the right, and just kept on zigzagging back and forth. He started to

get agitated, so he shot at one of my hooks, which bounced away,

and I was sent plummeting. My glasses fell off, and in the nick of

time, I saved myself from a concrete face plant. I snatched up my

sunglasses, which had a giant rupture starting from the center,

spreading out to the left side. This made me look tougher and more

intimidating. But he wasn’t affected at all. He fired at me again, but I ducked and dodged to escape.

I needed to stall for a little bit longer, so I said, “Try and get me!” I flew towards him, but right as I was about to pass him, my gas ran out. I quickly strapped it off, and tumbled into the snow for a soft landing, but yet, my legs were paralyzed by the shock.

“Looks like I won, Joseph. What do you have to say now?”

“You won’t do a thing to me.”

“Oh yeah?” he sneered. He pulled out a taser and set it to the lowest

shock. He shocked my left leg, sending a jolt through my whole body.

He increased the shock to 3x.

“What now, brave boy?”

But in the nick of time, I heard a familiar voice call.

“What are you doing Steve? Trying to tase your own nephew? I’m ashamed of you.”

I was still temporarily paralyzed in my left leg, but I could still hobble. The snow was melting around me and seeping into my clothes at a quick rate, and it added to my rage at Uncle Steve, and I wanted to tackle him into the ground with the last bit of energy I had left. But it was no time for violence. That was Plan B. Plan A was to snatch his belt off so he wouldn’t be able to do anything.

Uncle Steve tried to explain, “But he threatened my whole plan! What was I supposed to do? Let him go and blurt everything out?!”

“Steve, YOU TRIED TO INCAPACITATE YOUR OWN NEPHEW! “What project?”

Steve sighed. “I guess I have to come clean. I was just giving him some punishment for snooping in my lair.”

“Is that it?! Tell me!” she screamed. “But you shouldn’t have tased your nephew!”

“I just wanted to punish him for snooping around my lair. I don’t want everyone to know because of him.” He gave me a dirty look. I returned it.

“So that’s why okay? Leave me  – -” Uncle Steve paused as all of a sudden I tried to yank the belt off of him, but he grabbed my hand in mid-sentence.

“What are you doing Joseph?” And he threw me off of him. I was so enraged that I just got up and tackled him straight to the ground with my last burst of strength.

“Wait, Joseph!” Aunt Marge yelled. “He’s actually not doing anything bad! He’s actually just protecting important people from assassins! He’s just doing his job.””

“What are you talking about?!” I shouted, still on Uncle Steve, pinning him.

“He’s eliminating the threats of assassins!”

“Yeah Joseph! I just didn’t want you to warn the assassins of my top secret counter assassin work!”

My whole perspective changed because of the few words they said. I was shocked at first, but it all started to fall in place. So Uncle Steve wasn’t the devil after all, and the reason Marge didn’t live with him was because she drank too much alcohol!

The files, the giant rack of weapons, everything just fell into place in my head. So Gill Bates was being protected from killers, and Uncle Steve was just helping out in making sure no plan was executed or no person was killed, and the giant amount of weapons were used as a protection device, not an assassination weapon. Or perhaps they were the weapons Uncle Steve had confiscated?

“Sorry,” I said feeling foolish.

“It’s okay. We forgive you,” Marge reassured me. I was surprised at how easy going she was all of a sudden, and found myself in the midst of a swirl of emotions. I had tried to do the right thing, but even after he apologized, my blood was still boiling  against Uncle Steve.

Everyone was enraged at Uncle Steve for going to the extremes against me in my 3D maneuverability gear, but after a year passed, everyone completely forgot that incident and we went on our own paths. Uncle Steve and Aunt Marge got back together, after Aunt Marge built up six months of sobriety (she showed me her AA badges)  and I graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay with a degree in marine biology and started working towards the Olympics. But that’s a story for another day.

Yeah!