The Self-Absorption of Smaug

Light flickering through the huge glass pane windows awoke me. I huffed with frustration trying to get a few more winks. My huge body sighed, it was sad that it had to get up, for sleeping on my excellent bed was very comfortable. I looked at the huge view outside, which I found simply breathtaking: Lake-Town was sparkling with fallen pieces of the sun and was just glittering. I sighed, and muttered, “Time to get up.” Once I was completely awake I ate some way-too crispy bacon, the kind that crumbles to dust when you touch it – I made this rare delicacy by grabbing a pig and cooking it “dragon style” as my grandmother would say. If my dad could see me now, I thought. “Pop would be so proud,” I breathed. I immediately regretted saying the word Pop because I was thrust into the past. Flashes of people hurting me streaked through my bony skull, images of when I was young with my father protecting me with all of his might. The final image of my father charging into the battle of the dragons with the dwarves, roaring at me to escape, that he’d fetch me one day, winking at me… and in the end I had to abandon him, obeying his commands. His last words were, “Don’t let me down, son.” A tear sprouted from my eye, evaporating into mist, as I remembered that horrible day, but the truth is I didn’t really see him die so I’m not sure if he’s really dead, but I try to not get my hopes up on that. After this baleful reflection I was exhausted and then slept for a number of days… alas not even for a week, for there was a piece of gold digging into my belly, which caused strange haunting dreams.

I was roaming around my bed early the next week when I found a peculiar leather-bound book that read “My Diary” – it must have been left from the ugly dwarves who were last here before they moved away. I opened the book only to find my face full of dust, for it had not been opened in a while. I flipped through the pages and found that it was completely empty, and I greedily decided to use it for my own purposes. I grabbed a pencil that a month ago I had gotten. I had been flying pretty low past a school of people who were angry at me and who threw the only things they had with them at me: pencils. I had snatched one guessing that it would be useful one day.

“Hello me, in case you forgot, my name is Smaug. I’m a fearless dragon with red scales. My beautiful red scales match my red eyes perfectly and I’m not just your average dragon. My long spiny tail is just another amazing addition to me – I’m truly just fabulous. But don’t worry I’m not addicted to my self-appearance, even though it’s hard with such awesome scales. I’m Grade A dragon. I stole my home from disgusting dwarves and I love my bacon ‘dragon style’, which means extra crispy. How ya doing me? I have a question for you, do I ever find my dad, and I know the answer is probably no but still might as well ask just in case.” There, I closed my diary. Once the dust settled above the book, my eyes floated to the piles and piles of gold, the sun streaming through the dwarf-made windows, sparkling and jumping around the cavern walls, making it like a disco party, although I was by myself. I stared at one certain stone that always seemed to calm me down: the Arkenstone. The Arkenstone was often used as a nightlight for it was always shining, and even in the day it shone brighter than the sun coming through the windows. I breathed and carried on with the day. I decided to name my new (and only friend) diary, “Brownie”. I held the book gingerly, which put a warm feeling in my heart – I tried not to scratch the little leather book with my sharp claws, as I thought of it as my own little son. Of course I immediately thought of my poor papa again. I remember he was strong, had red scales like me and was the most feared dragon of all time. My mom, however, I don’t remember that well, as I can only remember her leaving by the front door and never coming back. I often wonder where she is now.

A few weeks later in the afternoon, I was feeling a little lonely. I spotted Brownie on the floor and picked it up noticing that there was only one journal entry. I began writing about my morning and what a great time I had had!

“I looked at my schedule: I was free today with no plans, just like every day, and so I decided to go for a little fly. There was good weather today and I felt like doing some Dragoning. This basically means that a dragon has to keep his or her reputation high and scare and devour people to show that he or she is not losing his or her touch. I hadn’t flown in a while so I did a few stretches and wing flaps and a systems check. Wings? Check. Feet/claws in position? Check. Stomach empty? Check. I began running, gaining more and more speed until I reached the end of the Lonely Mountain gate and blasted off.  I laughed heartily, torching an entire flock of geese, and inhaling their crispy corpses like popcorn, for I‘d forgotten how enjoyable this was! And I had sort of gotten lazy over the past few years. I was flying around when I spotted a band of hunters and I decided to have fun. I dove down and scared them half to death, and they immediately fired arrows at me, not knowing about my impenetrable scales (except for one certain spot). I pretended that they got my spot and I fell to the ground in a clatter of armor, acting dead. They were for a second star-struck, but then they started whooping and celebrating, heading off in the same direction they’d been headed, and while they were doing that, I got back up, crept behind them, and gave a ferocious roar so strong that one dude wet his little pants. This of course made me happy and I let them live, and flew back to my home.”

 

I was sleeping on my wonderful bed when I heard some movement: I thought it was a mouse and ignored it, falling into a deep sleep. I dreamt about a bunch of dwarves killing me and stealing all my possessions. I woke up with a start, sweating, and I quickly got out of bed. I got myself a drink of water only to find that I had lost my silver cup. I looked all around and I picked up an unfamiliar scent, which led me to believe that someone had robbed me. I roared with anger but calmed myself down using dragon meditation and got my other cup. I was thinking about what to do today while drinking out of the “best grandpa in the world” cup when I heard noises – I heard talking and the talkers seemed to be very happy about something. I tiptoed out, (I can be very sneaky despite being a huge dragon) I poked my head out and saw about 14 dwarves crowding a creature, celebrating him, and he was holding my cup. I tiptoed back and wrote in Brownie. “There’s a bunch of dwarves outside of my home, who stole from me! Me, the most feared dragon in the world (and possibly the only one)… the nerve of them! I will dispose of them as people dispose of a moldy banana.” The very next night I felt a strange presence close to me and he seemed nice. “You have nice manners for a thief and a liar,” I said. “You seem familiar with my name, but I don’t seem to remember smelling you before. Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?”

“You may indeed!” The strange voice replied. “I come from under the hill, and under hills and over the hills my paths led. And through the air, I am he that walks unseen.”

“So I can well believe,” I said, “but that is hardly our usual name.” I was thinking of writing this in my diary later for this voice was quite interesting for I couldn’t place the odor. I dug through multiple memories of invisibility and couldn’t bring up a single one.

“I am the clue-finder, the web-cutter, the stinging fly. I was chosen for the lucky number. I am he that buries his friends alive and drowns them and draws them alive again from the water. I came from the end of a bag, but no bag went over me…” I wondered if he was really invisible or… maybe he was a bug with a loud voice… or a ghost? But then I saw a shadow of the voice and my thoughts about him being a bug vanished. I then realized that he was speaking in riddles to avoid death, and so I said, “Well, thank you for talking to me, so, here’s my goodbye forever voice.” I blew fire all around hoping to have ended him, but I could still hear his squeaks and so from then on I decided that I would sleep with my one eye open. The next few weeks I tried to snuff out those pesky dwarves. I blew fire in the secret entrance, barricaded my back door, and hid my favorite treasures, and started keeping a log: 9156 gold coins, 328 gems and diamonds, 50 sets of grand armor, 78 swords and shields, 1 Arkenstone and 1 Brownie. I had much more in this wonderful house of mine but I did not care for it like a guitar, books, rotten food, and a few pans and pots.

I was flying around one day when I spotted a huge army of dwarves coming toward my mountain. I turned the opposite direction to only find a wave of red approaching over the mountains: it was the goblins and the wargs! I immediately flew back, and found that some of my stuff was stolen! I had lost 30 pieces of gold and 2 gemstones. I roared with anger and stormed out of my mountain and gave my fiercest roar, scaring a bunch of ponies, their 4 hooves didn’t get that far and so I came down and stomped them. I roared at them and let’s just say I wasn’t hungry for the rest of my day. I quickly jumped to the conclusion that the armies were all getting ready to attack me. Why me??!! It’s not like I burned down their villages, and ate some of their friends and neighbors, oh wait, I have! While I paced back and forth I decided to talk to Brownie. “This may be my last entry, I know that it was a short amount of entries, I may leave Middle Earth: several armies are planning to attack me and not just with plastic sticks and pitchforks, I’m talking catapults and x-bows (which is like a really big crossbow, set on a rolling platform) and if this is not my last entry than either eat this page or burn it.” I hugged Brownie said my last goodbye to my treasure, and then tried to fit in very small dwarf armor which of course gave me a scale wedgie, so I took it off, and warmed up my fire. Killing wasn’t exactly a hobby of mine but I would do it for my own survival. I never was good at math but I believe that the armies will come around dusk to try and finish me of while I’m asleep, but I won’t be asleep, I’ll be waiting for them, I said as I chugged a mug of coffee from Dwarfbucks.

Finally, a revelation occurred to me. There were reinforcements getting ready to attack me and my mountain. To stop their plan I would first have to destroy the town and maybe the reinforcements wouldn’t continue coming. Then a puzzling thought popped into my head, Why would the goblins team with dwarves? I thought goblins were evil and would only ever team up with the wargs? I pushed that thought out of my head and flew out of my mountain like a bullet. I saw the town and dove for it. “I can’t let them stop me, I must live the average lifespan of 1,500,000 years. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, and the fire in my stomach, waiting impatiently, shot out of my mouth. I ignored the screams and continued to destroy. A few brave archers stood their ground and shot arrows at me. One scraped my weak spot and I no longer felt like I had control of myself. Like Hulk, something else came out of me and took the steering wheel of my mind and changed directions. I raged, destroying everything in sight – my wrath was a terrible sight to behold. Fire everywhere and people screaming. Then I spotted a single archer, left, although he had a bow and arrow in one hand and a guitar in his other. He seemed like a bard, but I was wrong. He fired an arrow at me and struck me at the one spot where I thought he would not hit me. He hit my vulnerable spot. I fell toward Laketown, crashing into houses one by one until I flopped into the water with an explosion of dust, bringing the town, built on piers, with me. I knew I was dying but refused to admit it even as pain rolled in wave after wave, from the secret spot, throughout my whole body. I kept trying to move, to ignore the arrow but that proved impossible. Everything was blurry… I could see people cheering and weeping, and fire engulfing the place. All the thoughts of my life rushed through my head. Dad winking at me, me hugging the Arkenstone, Brownie, Mom leaving, angry dwarves, me burning a flock of geese, playing with clouds when I was little. Each time I remembered a memory I felt like I was being hit. I got weaker and weaker by the second. I closed my eyes. Goodbye bed, gold, scales, fire, and Brownie. Then I pictured two happy dragons standing next to each other waiting for me. I finally get to meet my mom and dad.