The most obvious thing that pops into my head upon reflecting on my 180 days of freshman year is the busyness of it all. I quickly learned in January that doing the high school gymnastics team, flute auditions, a job, the musical, and a variety of other extracurricular activities along with the ever present burden of schoolwork wasn’t sustainable. Did it take many nights of flopping onto the couch in despair and pacing the living room when I realized it was already 11 at night and yet I had an entire Friedrich Kuhlau piece to learn and perfect? And then getting a lecture from my mom? Yes. Because I really wished that I could make it work somehow, fit all of those things into one day. Yet for the first time, I realize how 24 hours can be far too little. I realized wouldn’t it be great if I could run at 100% on a few hours of sleep? Unfortunately, I’ve yet to develop that ability. With that, I realized that I wouldn’t be good at any one of those things; I better pick and choose before I stretch myself thinner than the ice over a pond on a slightly warm day. This lesson truly hit home when I saw a friend having the same problem, that when it came to an important day, she was needed at both extracurriculars, both sides would be mad if she wasn’t there, but by then it was too late. She had tried to do everything, and it hadn’t gone over well. 

         Another impactful realization upon reflection is how much all of us can change in one year. When my friends and I got to high school, for most of us, it was as if the mood suddenly changed. We all realized that high school is when it counts, that it has a much larger hand in our future than measly eighth grade did. Along with this came a more serious attitude. Of course we still insulted each other, joked around like crazy people, but we also realized that the next chapter of our life (to use a cliché) would be here soon. Essentially what I’m saying is, though we still made fun with each other of our newest crush,

we had shed a childish layer that some of us still had in middle school. However, not all of us had done this shedding and with that came the natural fork in the road (oops, another cliché) where some of us simply grew apart, where our interests no longer aligned. Slowly, we chose to spend more time with certain people and less time with others, especially in a schedule where all of us were constantly on the grind. I, along with my close friends, realized we couldn’t satisfy everyone, that it was unfortunate we were leaving some girls behind, but that it wasn’t fair to ourselves if we hung out with them for their happiness and our own misery, so freshman year was a period of growth for me which I’m sure will continue.

         Though the ones mentioned above were larger and more meaningful realizations, upon reflection, there were also smaller changes that happened in my freshman year. For one, there seemed to be more drama among people I knew (and keep in mind, I’m not in the friend groups with constant drama). Both in the flute section at school and the one at Norwalk Youth Symphony, it was clear there were tensions and competition between the top flautists as we all wanted the limited spots.

Another small thing that’s changed in me this year is how flute has become more important to me and my practicing has definitely skyrocketed. In the past, my practicing was kept to a minimum but somehow I still squeezed my way into the principal orchestra. However, upon arriving, I quickly had to step up my game to keep up with everyone else. The demands of region and all state auditions further pushed me to practice and improve my technique so that I spent a lot more time with the metal tube (as my friend would call it) in my hands.

I suppose at the end of the day (idiom or cliché?), I’ve learned something very similar to Hannah – that life is full of choices, choices that may be hard, but that you have to make. Of course part of me wished I could make that one friend happy and just hang out with her, but there’s only so much time and we have to choose how we spend it. I had to make the choice that I would prefer not to stay up past midnight finishing work because I had chosen to spend two hours of my day making superficial conversation with someone that I didn’t get along with. Of course, I would love to be able to clone myself and be at two places at once, but until I figure that out, I’ll have to be content with making choices of what activities I truly want to do, which are worth their spot on my plate. Then there are the smaller choices: I can choose not to waste my time getting tangled up in unnecessary drama caused by others. Or I can choose to practice the flute more if I want to achieve the results I’m looking for. To really take this metaphor far, which ones are like the high-protein meats that will benefit my life, while which are the high-sugar desserts that could be decreased from my life’s diet? After finishing freshman year, I’m sure there will be many more choices I’ll make in the next three years and I’m sure that’ll elicit more late-night pacing sessions (after all there’s going to be junior year, Chloe, and it won’t be a pretty sight!), but I’ll keep figuring out how to make those choices.