Fred and Matthew
Scene i
Fred Couteur’s farmhouse on the outskirts of Milwaukee, WI. There is a barn, which is two levels high and absolutely stuffed with hay. The first level is where the horses and cows live, and the chickens live on the second floor. There’s a bunny hatch in a fenced-in area near the house with a brimming bowl of bunny food. The snow is gently falling at this hour of 9 am. The sun is rising fairly high in this mid-winter morning, and orange rays shine radiantly through the cold air onto the gathering snow. Fred, 16, has finished his morning chores and is having a snowball fight with his friend Matthew Roman, 17. Fred is 6’9”, with luscious brown hair, burly shoulders, an 8-pack, grass-green eyes, huge muscles, canckles, and a tattoo of a 2-headed dragon with one head on each arm. Matthew is 7 feet tall, blonde hair, enormous hands, toothpick legs, medium-sized muscles, and a tattoo of a tank with a bullet in mid-flight pointing towards his chest, a 6-pack and a naive smile on his face wherever he goes.
Matthew: I bet I can build the best snow fort.
Fred: Let’s see whose fort is better!
Matthew: Ready, set, go!
Fred: I’ll beat you easily!
Matthew breaks away from Fred and slides right into a fluffy pile of snow near his driveway, and, sitting with his legs splayed, he calmly begins manufacturing snowballs. Fred makes snow boulders bigger and tougher than Matthew’s, speeding up the snowfort-making process. He looks like a gorilla, with his super-quick snow-boulder-making process and his carvings of bananas on the snow boulders. When Fred is done, he sits on a stool made of snow and sighs and then starts laughing at Matthew.
Fred: I knew mine was better! Now go home, I have to harvest the remaining wheat before the snow melts and rots it.
Matthew: Okay, see you tomorrow… don’t forget, it’s my birthday.
Fred starts to harvest the wheat field when lightning strikes him and everything goes dark.
Scene ii
Fred wakes up in the middle of the wheat field with no idea what happened. The only thing he knows is that he wants to skydive with Matthew. So he gets up from the wheat field, goes home and gets dressed and drives to 135 Plain Lane.
Matthew: You ready to skydive?
Fred: Yeah!
Pilot 1: Matthew and Fred, are you ready?
Pilot 2: Time to skydive!
Matthew: I bet you’ll chicken out!
Fred: Will not!
Matthew: Will too!
Pilot 1: You can argue while you’re skydiving. Now let’s fly!
Pilot 2: Put on your skydiving gear so your brains don’t explode!
Pilot 1: Yeah! Boom!
Pilot 2: Let’s go!
They soar 150 feet, straight up, in a fancy helicopter. They stop in mid-air and start to hover.
Pilot 1: Give a thumbs-up if you are ready to skydive!
Fred: The last one to the ground pays ten dollars!
The friends give the thumbs up.
Pilot 2: Relax and let us take care of you.
Pilot 1 & 2 shove Matthew and Fred out of the helicopter. Fred drops for a hundred feet before activating his parachute, but Matthew activates his chute after dropping fifty.
Fred: I’m feeling funny!
Matthew: I’m not!
Fred starts to glow and turns into a sugar glider.
Fred: (In a high-pitched voice) Whoah! Didn’t see that coming!
Matthew: Me neither!
Fred and Matthew float down into a mountain of snow and Matthew pays Fred $10 for winning and in a puff of smoke, Fred turns back to normal.
Fred: That was insane!
Matthew: I know, right!
The two best friends high-five each other until their hands are blood-red.
Fred: Let’s go to my place and eat… some… CAKE!
Matthew: OK.
They get into their cars and drive to Fred’s house.
Fred sees his house being vandalized by the Baby Bottom Gang, (don’t let the name fool you, they’re wretched). Fred gets out of his car and wells up with so much anger he turns into a lion, the king of the wild.
Baby Bottom Gang member 1: They’ll be so surprised that they’ll leave this country forever!
The Baby Bottom Gang starts to laugh with their chief, but their laughter is interrupted by a burly roar.
Baby Bottom Gang member 2: Chief, was that you?
Baby Bottom Gang member 1: No I was hoping it was number 3.
Baby Bottom Gang member 3: Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.
The chief turns around and sees Fred the lion and screams like a young girl. The other two turn around too and start screaming. They start to wet their pants.
Baby Bottom Gang member 1: Look boys, it’s fake. Look how fake his mane is! Watch, I’ll tear it off.
The chief walks up to Fred and starts yanking his mane. Fred wells up with anger and he roars so loud the window shatters – and he blindly chomps off the chief’s arm in a matter of seconds. The Baby Bottom Gang runs away with the chief sobbing in their arms, blood gushing from his arm stub. Fred transforms back into his regular form right when Matthew arrives in his car.
Scene iii
As they eat cake, Matthew and Fred talk.
Matthew: This is the best cake EVER!
Fred: Thanks, I bought it from Gofer’s Ice Cream.
Matthew: How did you get your powers? Because I want them, too.
Fred: I don’t know – maybe you’ll get these powers for your birthday present? I just hope I find out soon, because I want these powers forever.
They finish the cake silently.
Matthew: Thanks for the party man, it was killer! See ya.
Fred: See ya.
Fred goes about his morning routine so he can goof off longer, later. After feeding the cows and chickens, he turns into a cow because he is curious about how they like their food. Only one cow complains.
Cow: I would like grass instead of wheat!
Except for the grumpy cow, the feeding is pretty quick.
Fred goes back to his house, forgetting that he is a cow, and after bumping into the door several times, realizes his mistake and turns back to Fred with a soft moo.
The phone rings.
Matthew: Help… me.
The line gets cut off.
Fred: I need to help him! He needs me!
Fred turns into a bat and uses echolocation to find Matthew, who is being held in a tiny room at the top of a 40-storey brick building.
Scene iv
Matthew looks banged up, his eye swollen, nose bleeding, with a boot mark on his face.
Matthew: I won’t tell you anything!
Hidden voice: Then you leave me no choice.
The scene goes black but you can hear punching and kicking and occasional yelling.
Scene v
Fred the bat is hovering right outside the window and sees the abuse. Fred flies down to the ground, turns into a bull and rams down a massive golden door with a ferocious charge. Angry guards come at Fred with maces, ninja stars, and guns.
Guard 1: Kill him!
Guard 2: Skin him!
As Fred the bull plows through the guards like they are rag dolls, he makes his way up, and hears Matthew screaming.
Matthew: Help me! Anyone!
Hidden voice: No one will help you. You’re pathetic.
Fred changes into a cheetah to quickly get up the stairs. At the last floor, he sees Matthew, unconscious, bleeding while the hidden voice laughs. Behind a wall is seen a robotic arm that moves up and down. Fred is confused and turns into an elephant in case he has to stomp on this guard. A slow and eerie clapping comes from the robotic arm and a real arm.
Baby Bottom Gang member # 1: Well, well, well, look what we have here, a guest. But your slaying is scheduled for… right now! Turn around or prepare to die! You can’t hurt me – you see, I’m wearing a full set of diamond armor.
The diamond armor is jagged with a tip on the chest that can pierce through anything but diamond itself. The Baby Bottom Gang member # 1 looks 5’11 instead of 5’2, because his shoes are tall and hard, turquoise, and glinting in the sun.
Fred: Let’s end this!
BB1: Couldn’t agree more!
Fred turns into Chuck Norris, the only man who can break diamonds. Fred Chuck Norris does one fatal karate chop and shatters the diamond armor. The chief starts to punch and kick Fred Chuck Norris but after 10 punches, Fred Chuck Norris gets annoyed so he kicks him in the most vital part of his robotic arm, the tiny self-destruct button. At first, the building is intact and then you see bricks flying everywhere, dead bodies flying everywhere and an orange puff of smoke signals that it has blown up the entire building. Fred and Matthew are immediately put to the hospital. Someone runs across the stage with a sign that says, “Three months later.”
Matthew and Fred are at the hospital entrance, ready to depart.
Fred: I hope this never happens again.
Matthew: Agreed.
Scene vi
Fred wakes up in the wheat field with a charred hand and a gushing blood scrape right near his eye. He stands up, stretches, and then says:
Fred: What just happened?
Matthew comes along and exclaims, “You can’t believe it but I had the craziest dream last night! You had super powers that were amazing! I just wish that that was real life.”
Fred: I do have super powers.
Matthew: No. Everything was just a dream.
Fred: But I was a sugar glider, a bull, a bat, a cheetah? How is this possible?
Matthew: It is possible in a dream, but not in real life. It must have been your imagination. Dude, look at your charred hand, does that seem like it was real? Of course it was! You were struck by lightning on a metallic vehicle! You were knocked out for a couple of hours. But that was all just a dream.
Fred: But the Baby Bottom Gang, skydiving in the winter, didn’t that happen? You’re wrong. It wasn’t a dream. Why you ackin’ so cray cray bro?
Matthew: I’m the one who’s ackin’ cray cray? I’M ACKIN’ CRAY CRAY? Who thinks that they have super powers and can do anything like skydiving in the winter? Who is the Baby Bottom Gang anyway? The only gang here is the Geezer Gang. And they can’t even kick a soccer ball, let alone a 17 year-old.
Fred: You can’t tell me what’s fake and real! How about the explosion, the hospital, us eating Gofer’s cake? Do you remember ANY OF THAT?
Matthew: The only explosions I know of are in movies or TV shows. I never went to the hospital and neither did you! And the closest Gofer’s is 75 miles!
Fred: Ok. You can think it is fake but I think that the “dream” was real and so is the Baby Bottom Gang, skydiving in the winter, and super powers. You’ll see!
Matthew: (sighing) You can’t stop being a kid, can you? Let’s forget this even happened and walk into the sunset like some movies or plays end, ok?
Fred ponders for a moment and says: Sure.
Fred and Matthew walk into the sunset and when Fred turns around completely, there is a cat’s tail poking from his ripped jeans.
LA FIN.